The trophies

Lena Lindeli

Cardboard, 304 pages

He fills his inner void with women on a conveyor belt and grades them in a book, filled with trophies. His behavior affects those closest to him and all the girls who come his way. He seeks out younger and younger girls in search of a kick and risks losing everything.

The series of women passes by in the life of his daughter Lisa. She herself is invisible, as if she did not exist. His girlfriend Kajsa sees her, but she also sees something else in the man she loves. A feverish look, she has seen it before. It seeks something that is not her. How can she live with a man she cannot trust?

Troféerna is about Emil and his drive to heal an inner emptiness. The book is Lena Lindeli's debut novel about addiction and co-dependency, where she was inspired by a man who shared his experiences as a sex addict.

Reader reviews;

"A book that really touches. A book that I need to meet a fellow human being who is suffering."
Birgitta Eliasson

"This novel about addiction and co-dependency is Lena P Lindeli's debut. She has succeeded so well that I feel less prejudiced afterwards. She skillfully unfolds the story and does not place any of her own values ​​in what happens. The language flows nicely."
Eva Karlsson's book blog

"I've read the book and written down all the symptoms of the disease that I see she's included - and Lena has really included everything. She really understands how the disease works. I'm impressed."
Gunilla Höög, addiction therapist

Excerpt from the book:

Emil stood at the windowsill and watched the tailgate of the Volvo station wagon get smaller and smaller on the gravel road, until it finally disappeared from sight. The agitated voices of his older sister and mother had faded away. The house was unusually quiet, only the washing machine rumbled dully from the entrance hall. It was the first time his mother had left him home alone. She would only be gone for thirty minutes, she said.

He had turned seven and started school, then you were quite big and could be on your own for half an hour, his mother thought. She couldn't bear to drag everyone around who had to be driven here and there. It was enough to have his little sister with him. Emil agreed, he was certainly big. But his stomach fluttered uneasily, he felt small in the big house. The minutes passed slowly. He couldn't tell the time but knew that if he counted quickly enough all the way to sixty, it would be one minute... one, two, three, four... If he did it enough times, she would soon be back. Without a grumpy Pernilla and hopefully in a better mood?... five, six, seven... The glass misted up as he counted out loud. He didn't want to live in this rowdy family. Did Pernilla want there to be a fight because she was always arguing? … eight, nine, ten … It was worst on weekends and holidays when dad was home … eleven, twelve, thirteen … Then the fighting started even before breakfast … fourteen, fifteen, sixteen … Dad didn’t understand that if he spoke up in a friendly tone, things would go better. When he yelled at them and got angry, his body wouldn’t do what dad said, so it did the opposite. When Pernilla and dad had argued, he often got mad at him too, even though he hadn’t done anything. As soon as they started, his stomach would knot up … seventeen, eighteen, nineteen … It was slippery outside today, mom had said. What if they crashed on the way to gymnastics, or drove off the road? … twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two …
The pulse rose and anxiety spread to every part of his body. What if they died and never came home again?…twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five… Where would he go then, if it was just him and his father left? His legs trembled like jelly and his stomach did a thump in his body. …twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight… He should have come with him in the car! He didn’t want to be left here, all alone.

Now there was a thunderous sound from the hallway, what was it? His body froze. He cautiously peered out into the hall, towards the laundry room door. The noise increased, it sounded like the washing machine was about to explode! With his heart pounding in his chest, he gathered his courage, approached the laundry room and opened the door. The smell of the barn hit him and he opened his eyes wide. The whole machine was shaking, it was about to jump out of the room, towards him! Help, how did you turn it off, what was he supposed to do? Both the walls and the floor were vibrating, it would soon be too late! The house was shaking, what if it was about to explode? The clothes in the machine were spinning around at an enormous speed, he became completely dizzy when he looked at it.

The washing machine must have gone crazy and it kept shaking at such a crazy speed. He had heard his dad talking about short circuits the other day, you could get electrocuted and that was dangerous. The machine had probably shorted out, he had to get help! He quickly pulled on his all-weather boots to run over to the neighbors, Börje and Greta. He fumbled with his jacket and hat. Just as he had zipped up his jacket and pressed his hand against the handle to run outside, the machine stopped shaking. He froze in the movement, staring at the machine which was now calmly spinning round after round as if nothing had happened. The thunderous sound was gone. The floor had stopped vibrating. He stood still by the front door, not daring to move, in case it went crazy and started jumping around again. But now it was normal. The clothes went round and round, just as they should. He sank to the floor. His heart was pounding and his legs couldn't stop shaking. He sat there for a while, catching his breath. Now the machine had stopped, it seemed to have finished. The danger was over and he exhaled, loudly.